JOKES

Jokes, Fun, The Weather, Say Hello, Whatever,, Feel free to post on any subject under the moderated sun.

JOKES

Postby roger » 11 Mar 2007, 22:36

I WONDER HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE A JOKE SITE I THINK IT COULD BE GOOD :) ROGER DODGER
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Postby old-git » 12 Mar 2007, 05:57

Hi Dodger :D
When you say 'site' did you mean a joke section on this site. It's just that the 'Say Anything' section is OK for anything at all. I have no objection to a fun/jokes section but I'm not sure there is a need. But I'll go along with whatever people think.

knock knock!
who's there?
doctor!
doctor who?
no!

:oops:

:door

It could get worse :shock:
mustn't grumble
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Postby SteveC » 14 Mar 2007, 00:04

Damn good idea Roger. :smt116

I know ones about a Bull and a Blood Transfusion. Do you think they would be suitable :?
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JOKES

Postby FujiS2man » 14 Mar 2007, 15:55

If its humour your looking for I suggest you try elsewhere.
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Postby Mike.H » 14 Mar 2007, 18:40

No problem with funny stuff here. :-D I can never remember a joke. :roll: So bring 'em on. :D
I don't think there is a need for a new section as I though the SAY ANYTHING section took care of this.
Maybe that sections name can be changed to SAY ANYTHING - JOKES, FUN, THE WEATHER, WHATEVER. 8)

What ya think? :smt064 :smt092
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Postby Oathead » 15 Mar 2007, 07:43

Nice one Mike :D
I can never remember a joke .
Lets Rock
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Postby old-git » 16 Mar 2007, 19:34

Sounds good to me Mike 8)
mustn't grumble
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JOKE

Postby delbert » 16 Mar 2007, 21:02

golf
Towards the end of the golf course, Larry hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden ... POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.

"Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. ... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!!!"

Then POOF! .. she was gone!

After Larry recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Henry, where are you?"

Henry yells back "I'm over here in the pussy willows."

Larry shouts back, "DON'T SWING, HENRY; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!"
:-D :-D
"go placidly amid the noise and haste"
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Postby delbert » 16 Mar 2007, 21:04

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a
Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have
their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he
fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a
small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she
saw pair a of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned
private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the
embarrassment, she dutifully step stepped forward, quickly put
her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his
forehead. :lol:
"go placidly amid the noise and haste"
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Good blonde joke.....................

Postby teddybear1959 » 16 Mar 2007, 23:43

Blonde rang up her boyfriend in a panic...................

"Kev, you must get over here quick, I am doing a puzzle of a lovely tiger and it is driving me really mad."


V


VV



VV




VVV





VVV


Kev drove over to her flat and went in to find her sitting at the kitchen table in a real state.



VV


VV


VVV


VV


He sat next to her,
"Kev, can you see how difficult this is? Here is the box with the lovely picture of a tiger on and here are all the pieces, but I really don't know where to start."

vv

vvv

vv

vv

vv


Kev put his arm around her and started to put the pieces back into the box............................................


vv

vv

vv

vv

vv

vv

vv

"Come on love, lets put these frosties back in the box and have a nice cup of tea!"



Ha ha ha ha ha ha......................... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Teddy
:wink:
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Postby Mike.H » 17 Mar 2007, 23:36

:smt095 :smt097
Well I hadn't heared that one before Teddy. :-D
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Postby Mike.H » 18 Mar 2007, 01:01

:smt095 :smt095 :smt095

Now look what you done Roger :-D 8)
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Postby SteveC » 18 Mar 2007, 16:05

Very good Teddybear :smt023 Heres one from me,

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them." :smt047 :smt038 :smt041
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Postby SteveC » 20 Mar 2007, 21:51

Well done Dodger :smt023 you`ve started something now :!:

Excellent joke Delbert :smileybounce

I`ve actually posted a joke under Rogers original thread in suggestions, so please everyone consider my wrist slapped for posting in wrong section. :oops:
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Postby EWW » 21 Mar 2007, 07:42

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs.Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll
light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.
She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father."

They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"

The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!"

The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer effing candle
I do not want thanks for any research I am able to help out with. I just love doing it.
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