JOKES

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Re: JOKES

Postby radstockjeff » 28 Nov 2019, 09:55

The Christmas Tree Angel
A topical tale.

One Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip.
However he ran into many difficulties.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves were not as efficient as the regular ones, and so Santa fell behind schedule.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that trhee were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and could not be found. When he tried to load the sleigh one of the timbers broke, spilling all the toys on the ground.

Very frustrated, Santa went back to the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he found that the elves had drunk the cider and hidden his rum.

In his anger he dropped the cider pot, which broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
When he went to get the broom he found that mice had eaten all the straw off the brrom.
Just then the doorbell rang.

A very irritable Santa opened the door to find an Angel standing there holding a large Christmas Tree.

The Angel said very cheerfully-

"Merry Christmas Santa. I have a beautiful tree for you; where would you like me to put it?"

Thus began the tradition of the angel on the top of the Christmas Tree.
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre.........as long as you're good at it!
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Re: JOKES

Postby Tresagreen » 28 Nov 2019, 10:08

:lol: :lol: :lol: :smt038
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Re: JOKES

Postby radstockjeff » 28 Nov 2019, 10:14

A dog goes into a Builders Merchant and asks for a job.
The owner says "We don't hire dogs;why don't you go to the Circus?"
"Don't be silly" says the dog "What would a Circus want with a Plumber?"

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A man went to the doctor with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana up his rear end, and said
"Doctor, I'm feeling terrible!"
"I'm not surprised" said the doctor "You're not eating properly"

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Proud to be British
Being British is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish Kebab on the way, to sit on Sedish furniture and watch American programmes on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign
-------------

Only in Britain do we leave expensive cars on the drive and lock lawnmowers and junk in the garage.

-----------------------------
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre.........as long as you're good at it!
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Re: JOKES

Postby radstockjeff » 29 Nov 2019, 19:06

Irate gent: " How dare you break wind in front of my wife!"

Reply "Sorry old chap, I didn't know it was her turn"
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre.........as long as you're good at it!
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Location: Radstock Somerset

Re: JOKES

Postby radstockjeff » 03 Dec 2019, 21:06

Exercise..............

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She's now 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre.........as long as you're good at it!
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Re: JOKES

Postby radstockjeff » 05 Dec 2019, 08:50

A man arrived home early one afternoon and as he came in the door the telephone rang, so he answered it.

"Who was that on the phone?" shouted his wife from the kitchen.

"It was a wrong number, darling" he replied, "some fellow from the Met Office. He wanted to know if the coast was clear"
There's nothing wrong with being mediocre.........as long as you're good at it!
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